They say love sets you free. If so, why do so many Personal Trainers get in their own way? Notoriously, we create “blocks” which limit our ability to have a deep, meaningful relationships.

We’re a weird bunch, us fitness fanatics. It’s a chicken and egg situation. The fitness world either attracts a certain kind of person, or it totally makes us this way.  

My clients often share intimate details of their broken life beyond the walls of the gym. Some tell me it’s their lack of control when it comes to sexual urges. For others, they lack a well-defined purpose in their career and life. Or, more unsettling, they’ve allowed bad influences during childhood to continue to define them. Across the board, there’s a poverty of ambition to chase what they feel they deserve.

I was the worst version of all of that. Thinking back now, I would never have dreamed this was was me just a few years ago. I’ll spare you the story of me crawling out of  the Platinum Lace Lap Dancing Club, with a girl on each arm, though with my then girlfriend at home naively waiting for me.

I share this to give hope to those who need it. If I can change, you certainly can. I  wasn’t just broken when it came to relationships. Everywhere, I was a piss-ant. Biblically bad. Rebellious. Idolatrous. Lost. Enslaved. Disobedient. Egotistic. Dishonest. Adulterous. And, in case I haven’t bench pressed this point enough,  ‘dead’ of love, intimacy and connection.

When I did something, I did it until it absolutely breaks me. I couldn’t just have wandering thoughts about hot girls. I had the urge to find one.

But don’t let the lime light fool you. That’s precisely where it starts. Yeah, the money comes, the fame comes, but is escalates from there. You think you’re going up, but you’re actually going down.

To view or download an infographic version of this blog click here.

If you can relate, even in the slightest from what I described above, or you’re putting a great deal of effort into the wrong relationship (always on the lookout, thinking there is better yet to come…), and you’re unsure of what to do, I’m here to tell you that the change starts with you.

It’s got nothing to do with your partner. Well, some of it might. If she is attracted to this weaker, lower version of who you are now, she certainly won’t be attracted to who you will become!

At the root of all this is identity. Do you know who you really are, at the core? Nothing happens by accident. Feel free to use any fumbles, insights, tips, half-baked experience, pseudo-wisdom, or pure honesty from my past to shine a light or hold up mirror to your life. Self-awareness can come from anywhere, even from an old PT like me.

“Self Awareness” is one of those terms thrown around too much by the so-called personal development prophets out there. Like Tony, I’m no guru, but we both have the thousand yard stare from our share of life’s firewalks.

So what is self-awareness? Everybody has a different take. For what it’s worth, I have mine, which may be useful to you. To that possible end I’ll include a few questions below which I’d be honoured if you found the time to answer in the comments section.

If you already know me and want to get to know me better, or it just feels like you are in the right place, you can jump right into the passenger seat, fasten your seatbelt, and supercharge your journey of self-discovery by requesting a 90 minute personal Discovery Coaching Call now.  

You can stick around and read on, of course. Hesitation in the face of a solution might keep you in the vast majority of people who continue to fail at relationships.

I have had the privilege of analyzing the fitness industry for 14 years, working closely with male personal trainers, celebrity trainers and studio owners whom were classed as ‘failures’ in relationships (myself included).

My observations proved that there are more causes to failing relationships than the blocks which I sketched out earlier:

Some tell me it’s their lack of control when it comes to sexual urges. For others, they lack a well-defined purpose in their career and life. Or, more unsettling, they’ve allowed bad influences during childhood to continue to define them. Across the board, there’s a poverty of ambition to chase what they feel they deserve.

I found there’s at least 26 more!

For some, the major block is a lack in capital (“My personal training business barely survives month to month, how on earth will I be able to afford raising a family?”), then when uncertainty is added to that, such as the fear that you won’t be able to provide the very best for your partner, it get’s messy. You tell yourself, “that’s the minimum she deserves!”

Then, there’s the block of regret because you’ve chosen the wrong partner, but stay in due to shame or guilt. There’s also the issues of trust and control (the unhealthy reasons you were attracted to the fitness industry in the first place!).

Try going through the first 5 blocks on the list. Measure yourself against them. It will help you to discover how many of these causes of failure stand between you and real love, romance (and epic sex)! You can indeed transform any block into a more powerful emotion capable of driving you to new levels of happiness and achievement.

Prefer to go deeper right away? Consider filling out this Personal Discovery Questionnaire, and schedule your call here.



  1. What was the general atmosphere in your home when you were a child (including parenting and relationship between your parents) and when / how did this change?
  2. Do you have any physical or emotional scars? What are their stories?
  3. Have you ever put much thought, energy and focus into deciding who you would like as a mate? If not, why? What’s important to you about the type of partner you want?
  4. Who would you not want as a mate? Get your checklist out.  List characteristics, style, attributes, mindset, purpose, values, interests, nationality, etc.
  5. In an ideal world, would you like to be living your ideal life right now? Is there anyone or anything that you feel powerless over? Who or what is running your life?

This not helping? Or am I boring you. You just want the Sex, Money and Straight Up Power don’t you?

I get it. I did too.

Then you might want to go and read the untold version of this. There is a story for everyone here. Maybe, even a private video showing lots of girls fuelled with Vodka … at The Encore Las Vegas.



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