Shaving Your Body Hair The Right Way

Professional swimmers remove nearly all of the hair from their body to decrease drag and resistance. If you’re looking to remove some body hair your reasons for reducing drag and resistance may have nothing to do with swimming.

Whatever your reasons are for wanting to shave your body hair, politely keep them to yourself. We don’t want to know. We just want you to know how to shave your body hair the right way.

Chest

If you are going to shave your chest, you are going to need the right tools. Begin by finding a quality trimmer , preferably with a guide, and shave your entire chest.

Move the clippers with the grain and be sure to shave everything. Go all the way to your waist and forget about leaving a happy trail. There’s nothing happy about it.

Once you have shaved your chest hair into a stubble, it’s time to break out the rest of the tools you will need.  

Thoroughly apply shaving cream to your chest. Then remove the shaving cream and the stubble with your standard shaving razor. The one you use on your face will do, so long as it has a fresh blade.

If you though nicking your lip or your chin was terrible you definitely don’t want to experience nicking your nipple. Be sure to shave with the grain being extra careful around sensitive areas.

Once you have removed all of the stubble and shaving cream apply a moisturizer to replenish all of the moisture the razor removed and to reduce redness.

Back

For those of you not lucky enough to have someone willing to do it for you, you are going to need to learn how to shave your back. That is unless they’re into the hole mountain man thing.

The process of shaving to remove hair doesn’t change much from face to chest to anywhere. You apply shaving cream, and you use the razor to remove the hair.

Shaving your back, however, presents a challenge for the obvious reason that you won’t be able to completely see what you are doing, which means you’ll need a mirror. A freestanding mirror would work best, but a hand-held mirror would suffice in a pinch.

The best time to shave your back is just before a shower. Thoroughly apply shaving cream to your back being sure to cover everywhere there is hair.

Grab hold of a fresh razor in either hand, look over the opposite shoulder at the mirror and shave in long even passes from your low back to your shoulders. It’s O.K. take multiple passes.

Be sure to shave against the grain and overlap each pass to be sure that you get everything. Your back has lots of ridges and hard points. Be careful around the spine and shoulder blades.

To make the whole process easier, you may wish to purchase a razor extender. Once all of the shaving cream and hair has been removed, it’s time to hop in the shower to wash away any extra shaving cream and loose hair.

Arms

Unless you’re ambidextrous the process of shaving your arms is only half easy.

First, run your arms under hot water to open the pores in your skin. Then using your dominant hand thoroughly apply shaving cream to your non-dominant arm. Use your razor to remove all of the hair from the wrist to the shoulder. There isn’t a world where shaving half of your arm is cool.

Shave with the grain and be careful around your elbow. Once the hair has been removed rinse and repeat the process on the other arm.

However, since your non-dominant hand will be operating the razor be sure to move in slow, deliberate strokes.

Legs

The best place to shave your legs is in the shower as the water quickly washes away the loose hair and the warm temperature opens your pores.

You can use soap instead of shaving cream to shave your legs, but either will do. Simply apply a thick lather to your leg and shave against the grain, starting at your ankle and moving up.

Just as on your face the grain of the hair on your leg can change direction. Be extra careful around your ankles, knees and especially around the back of your knee where a very important artery is only a few layers of skin beneath your razor.

Fishing Tackle

Now it’s time for the process you were dreading. Use clippers, perhaps with a guide, on your thighs, pelvic area, and family jewels.

As in handling any valuable jewels, you’ll want to be extra careful with them. Once the longer hair has been removed, you’ll need a heaping helping of shaving cream and a fresh razor, because it’s time for the scary bit.

Lather it all up and shave in short, deliberate strokes. But most importantly try and remember that patience is a virtue. The hare may have one the race, but the turtle kept his nuts.

Author

Giv is the founder of Malegroomings, a resource intended to help men look and feel better about themselves. When he is not testing male grooming products or writing, he loves travelling and seeing new places and people.

4 Reasons Every Man Should Compete In A Marathon

So sport, physical activity and competitiveness is what got me in the gym game, right? Workout after workout. Weight stacked on weight. Those quick muscle gains led me to experience a broad range of emotions that I hadn’t felt before. Euphoria. Satisfaction. Confidence. Validation. Superiority. Even, dare I say, happy

The more my body took the shape I had imagined, the more I craved!

There is no question that sports in whatever way, shape or form can be powerfully evocative.

At the same time, if you are not aware, sports can also give you courage and inspiration that you are actually really good at something…

Stay with me, the lessons are coming.

Like with any sport where there is a thrill of victory, there is also the crushing agony of defeat. Same happens in life.

I write this first because if you were anything like me (addicted to self-punishment, adrenaline, or anything else that distracted from the pain, loneliness, and the feeling of I’m not good enough that I held deep inside), you turn to the gym or anything else that provides this layer of protection for you. 

Those in-the-know know gym becomes a form of therapy. Usually when…

We lack confidence or self esteem…

Other men in better shape seem to attract the girl we want (ed)…

We’re stuck in a relationship

Fear of the unknown

Fear of failure

Fear of ridicule

Fear of responsibility

Fear about whatever…

Where do you go? Where does anybody go? Back to familiar ground. Escaping almost. Whether that is the drink, the strip club, porn, or in my case the gym! 

You hope those initial good feelings come back. And they do, but never as much as before. It’s exactly like a drug addict, where one dose was enough, but then never was again. Always the need for a bigger hit.

Enter the 4 reasons every man should compete in a marathon.

I spoke about this briefly before, but during my most intense years of self-development there were a few major things that I knew I had to get to work on:

  • My tolerance level to take on more risk,
  • My tolerance level with discomfort
  • My tolerance level with uncertainty, criticism, and pressure, pressure, pressure

So on Friday, the 26th of January, 2015, I decided to commit to the Virgin London Marathon. In April of the same year. Yep. That gave me only 17 weeks to prepare for what was to become a life-changing journey.

Upon announcing this to my friends, clients and other personal trainers (including my very own coaches), there was a flood of positive support, and it even gave some of my client’s courage and confidence to set ambitious goals themselves. Even more surprising was the number of personal trainers who thought I was crazy and would shout trash like “Ain’t you gonna lose all ya muscle?” and “Isn’t it unhealthy for you? You’ll gain weight! You’ll lose your body!”

I get it. I was the same a few years back. If anyone would have asked me my opinion about them running a marathon, I would have replied even sharper. And with some French.

Originally, I thought that their issues were with what I was doing as a choice of exercise, but I’ve since come to the conclusion that they were just as trapped as me inside the four walls of the gym.

They’ve grown accustomed to an environment that offers safety, security and familiarity — all of which keeps them in the same place but unfortunately stagnate.

For every reason someone told me not to do the London Marathon, I can think of hundreds of personal and professional reasons why you should compete in a Marathon Race.

To respect your time, I’ve narrowed it down to five:

1. Comfort Zone

You need a new challenge. If past experiences are proof, as I was transforming into your body, I gained the courage to become a personal trainer.

As stated in the book, Mastery by Robert Greene, I essentially submitted to rigorous apprenticeship, absorbed knowledge, built a body faster and better than anyone else, which established patterns of excellence, which unlocked a passion within and then I became a master (i.e., a performance and change specialist to men).

Throughout this journey, it gave me courage. Courage to do something and the courage to be something more.

Now, I knew 17 weeks wasn’t long enough to train to run 5 miles, let alone 26. The last time I really ran was in my last football match, about 10 years back.  

I knew that by putting it out there, I had to do it. It’s why I then did everything in my power to set things up so I couldn’t back out. I ran for a charity. I did things that were for a bigger cause than myself, which would make the shame of failure or cowardice too steep to bear.

It was a hunch that by enduring this discomfort, by my feet blistering over 26 miles, the thrill of overcoming a challenge would bleed across into other areas of my life and make other situations seem a whole lot easier.

Lesson: Make a decision. Be more decisive.

 

2. Mental Toughness Conditioning

My mind was weak.

When anything in life presented itself to be a challenge (or confrontational or tiring) outside of my natural talents and skills, I was always quick to use excuses and blame other people (or things).

I knew I couldn’t do the same when I was in training. It was me against me. No one else.

Yes, there were more times than I’d like to admit where I wanted to stop running. In some cases, I did. Gave up. Walked back home. Even got a taxi at one point.

But deep down I knew I had to keep persevering. If I was ever going to cross the finish line, I HAD to put the work in.

This race is brutal. It swallows the weak up for breakfast.

Cliche but true: if you don’t prepare to plan, plan to fail.

With all the (purposely) built pressure surrounding me, I couldn’t let them down and (more importantly) I couldn’t let myself down, which we are all guilty of doing when we don’t have anyone to be accountable to. There is natural human tendance which runs through us all, where though we are less likely to let other people down, when it comes to ourselves it is so much easier.

I suffered more setbacks from training for this event than anything else. It taught me a level of perseverance never encountered in the euphoric early days of bodybuilding.

Lesson: Training is like life, relationships and business. There will be ups and downs, peaks and troughs stay focus on the end goal.

 

3. Execution

I got used to lifting PB’s in a gym, but that’s not to say I didn’t enjoy every moment that I did. I just needed something different.

It started back when I played football: the feeling when I completed an assist, scored the winning goal, picked up awards or played in stadiums that most aspiring footballers only dream about.

Then I found something else. Weights!

Now, I need that same feeling, but bigger. There is always higher and higher levels.

Finishing the marathon crossing line was an amazing feeling. The feelings are what I described earlier when we first hit the gym. 


It gave me new found confidence, courage and pride. More importantly, renewed trust in myself. I achieved what I said I would do! And I didn’t let that charity down. Spared me the shame and guilt of not stepping up.

And everyone reaped the benefits, but none more so than me.

Lesson: You become what you think about and do most in life. What was once difficult will become easy. 

 

4. Focus

Focus to me really means to be present.

What do you want to achieve in life that you haven’t done already? Can you honestly say that you think about this one thing day and night, 24/7? Is every action that you decide to do taking you towards this goal or away from it?

Even if you answered that with a rousing “Yes, Joe!” I know it’s not true (and so do you, I bet).  

Your mind is thinking about something (and only you know what that is) but I can assure you it isn’t one thing you’d like.

You are unaware of this, of course. I was.

It’s a distraction.

It’s taking up whatever limited willpower, focus and energy you have.

It’s probably the main reason why you don’t have what you want.

Now here’s the kicker: before we attempt to go after the new level (which takes a new level of thinking and doing), we have to practice and exercise something simple and do so consistently, like — yep — training for a marathon.

When you run, you barely can think about anything else.

If you run 4-6 times a week, over time you’ll condition yourself to become more focused.

Block out distraction that might be necessarily in your way. Become mindful!

To summarise, we both know that physically this will test you so I don’t have to talk about that too much. In fact, I haven’t even mentioned it, but what you’ll find is a new mindset. One which will help you and those who you care about.

You owe this to yourself.

Running could very well be the newest, best metaphor for life!

Have you run before? Completed a race like the London Marathon or even done a 10KM run like I’m doing this Sunday in the Bali Marathon?

Do you have the courage to make a commitment today? What’s the race which you will compete in within the next year?

 

11 Signs You’re In The Wrong Relationship

 

If you have followed me at all before, you more than likely know my shifty backstory.

What you may not know is that, despite my philandering, no-good cheating ways, I’ve always been entrenched in what most would call a serious relationship. When I think back on each of these botched attempts at union, I would have said, without a doubt, “ah, yes, mate, she’s the one!”

Think back yourself. Picture all their faces. How many times have you been in love? Or better yet, how many times have you thought you were in love?

On my end, these were long-term relationships, like 2 or 3 years, and, in one instance, 5 years.

I’ll spare the granular details of all these past relationships, but what I think might be worth your time to is hear about that 5 years one. My close call. I’m guessing you’ll learn a great deal from this, just as I did, as this happened to be the exact relationship where I made a decision to figure out what was really going on with me. In the head.

I asked this question:

“Joe, are you truly happy in your relationship, or are you just putting up with it?”

That question was aimed to help me see myself as I really was.

A man’s mind can play tricks on him. Convince him that where he’s at is where he wants to be, especially if it isn’t. You could be like, yup, I’m happy, but because you said this inside your head, and not out loud, it loses the power to make or break reality.

Because, well, we’re as manly as a Viking warlord, and the captain of our own ship, we seldom question the first thing that comes to mind with any question, let alone relationship stuff.

When I answered this question out loud, hearing made it easier to hear the deception in my voice when I answered yes, and then, by comparison, hearing the truth reverberate when I said something different, louder.

Try it. Read the question again and say your answers out loud, so you can hear your own voice. It’ll seem dumb at first, like talking to yourself in the mirror. You’ll feel like a positive psychology nutjob. Ignore that.

Not convinced? Then supersize the question. Add some torque to it so you can really feel the implications of where you’re at: Can you see yourself marrying your current partner and being with her for the long term, raising a family, and growing old together, knowing she’ll be the only woman you’ll have sex with the rest of your life?

I hesitated. And hesitated and mumbled something along the lines of, “I don’t see myself having children or even being tied down to anyone.” To be honest, I still had my father’s beliefs and negative patterns running when it came to trusting and settling down with one woman, but the “I don’t see myself having children” part I’m not sure.

Maybe it was a fear of how I didn’t know, from experience, how to be a good father (I didn’t necessarily have the best role model). Or it might have just been that I didn’t think the girl I was with at the time had the qualities, characteristics, and ability to be the mother and wife I would want around if I did have children and a family.

I was asked those questions about 3 years into my 5-year relationship. The clues were always there, but, for whatever reason, I wasn’t aware of them. I had convinced myself everything was “normal” and as it should be.

I’ve come up with 11 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship.

If these are to be helpful in any way, you must, of course, accept that you are the only person responsible for your relationship and, as such, you are the only person who can get you out.

Sure, blame it on the girlfriend. Or the moon. Or Trump.

Need more of a kick? If you are in an unhappy relationship, you are leaving money on the table, selling yourself short and, slowly but surely, wiping you clean of all the characteristics that would make you a proper Fit Man.

So when you read the 11 Signs, have the courage to see yourself as you really are, so that you can find out what is wrong and how you can correct it. And something must be at least a wee bit off with your current ways, or you wouldn’t still be reading this.

As you read the list, hold up a mirror carefully and really see how many of these you use.

 

1. You rarely initiate sex but easily fantasise about other women (past sexual encounters)

To anyone else, your partner would be seen as sexually attractive, but she is not getting your mojo working anymore. Often, you talk yourself out of this truth when other people pay her compliments. It’s a lame reason to stay with her, but at this point, you’re hanging on to anything you can.

1.1 On occasions you are more than fantasizing about women

Hate the player and hate the game. You are out there, stringing other girls along, having one night stands, texting, sexting, meeting for coffee, anything. Your radar is always on, searching for something new or better.

2. A lads night out or a romantic night in with the misses?

A night out with the lads every time. The lads aren’t really that important to you. But you’ll do anything to avoid spending a night in with her.

3. You are quick to justify why you haven’t married or had children yet

You know the real reasons why you haven’t but have somehow created convincing stories as to why you haven’t.

If I had the money I would…

We’re not yet ready…

My business is still growing…

We can’t afford our own house yet to bring up a family…

We will… one day …

Etc.

4. You check their phone

This shows how much distance actually exists in your relationship. And if I’m honest, I only ever felt the need to check my partner’s phone was when it was me who was up to something. Really, I was looking for “evidence” on her phone to justify leaving her. This is what cheats and cowards do.

5. I feel bad or sad for my partner

The hero. If I leave, who will take care of her?

When I said this to my coach, he shot me down straight away with this reply:

You didn’t feel bad when you were texting that other girl, and what about the other night when you got in a 6am after being with that girl from the strip club? Feel bad my ass.

It was guilt more than anything. The guilt of overpromising, and under delivering.

6. I can’t imagine my partner with another man

If you are still only in a relationship because you can’t bare the thought of her being with someone else, than you totally don’t have your shit together.

7. You threaten to leave a lot

Man, if someone kept doing this you’d think they leave you right? It doesn’t happen, do you know why? Because your partner is just as defective as you are. She must be if she chose you in this weakest ass version of you.

8. You have your own plans and dream which are separate from her

You have no desire to share your dreams and plans. If anything, she is seen as an extra burden.

9. You are emotionally and verbally abusive

You act out. You misbehave. You argue and argue, where before you wouldn’t have. This is a sign that you lack respect and love for your partner.

10. Financially dependant on her

She helps pay the bills each month. She helps you out in times of need, and you don’t know how you will survive without her. This is dumb. Man up. Make more money. Or spend less. Remove the excuse, and see the truth.

11. My relationship is OK in comparison to others… 

On occasion, you try your best to convince yourself that she is the right one. Because there are so many other relationships which are way worse than yours.

That’s just the thing. You might feel that you have it good but you are comparing yourself to the wrong relationship and men.

So, again, are you truly happy in your relationship?

Though this post may seem jaded, I am forever grateful to my ex’s because they taught me a lot about myself and, more importantly, what I was actually looking for in a partner and, ultimately, myself.

It was no easy ride. I had a lot of the baggage to deal with.

I’m glad it just stopped when it did. Any more years of carrying on like I was and I don’t know think there would have been a coming back. Just imagine if she would of had a child or we went through with marriage?

Are you stuck in a relationship? Or find that you go from one relationship straight into another without considering what you really want, or what type of girl you will marry?

Really give this some thought. It will save a lot of angst, frustration and you’ll be a lot more successful in business once you get this area of your life sorted, once and for all, rather than pissing about.

Respect yourself enough to demand more of yourself and your partner, and you’ll see the results prosper in other areas of your life as well.  

Would you like some support with this? I know how difficult this is and I know exactly what you’re going through. Contact me directly or join other like-minded men at a Fit Man Collective Meetup.

 

Sex, Money, Fame, and You

Don’t try to deny it. Men always crave them…

Sex… Money…

and Fame.

You wouldn’t be totally wrong if you called us a bunch of animals. We’ve fallen for the shiny lifestyle of movie stars, footballers, celebrity trainers, and millionaires, which has in turn led us to compromise our better lives and forfeit cultivating the character of a real man.

The fact that my clients raved about my physical prowess didn’t help matters much. Verity over at News Hub referred to this phenomenon in her racy blog ‘Why Are Personal Trainers The New Sex Gods…

Until now, your beliefs about sex, money and fame are, in fact, a lifelong accumulation of confusion.

You might think sex, money and fame is one thing, but it’s actually another. I admit, that may be an unpopular perspective, but if I knew then what I know now, I would have chased something totally different.

Money, in fact, does not solve everything. Or anything, really.   

I’m willing to risk telling you something that you might not like (and believe me, I would’ve probably been the same, as more money meant everything to me).

If just one man out of everyone who reads (or skims) this takes what I say and makes the changes necessary, the risk was worth it.

Back when I was first trying to sort myself out, I went looking around for “man stuff” and nothing was ever available. It was all smoke and mirrors.

Still reading? Good. It probably because you’re interested in what else I’ve got to say or you still need a little context.

This next part is for the latter, because I have yet to convince you of this.

The way you currently think about sex, money, and fame will seriously make you an unhappy, lonely, cash strapped individual. When I say “you” I am, of course, talking about me, but I am also talking about you.

I can talk about you because of experience. Here’s where it all started… I’ve kept this version kinda clean, maybe in a future post, I’ll add the unedited version… 

Exposure to Porn

Forget school. My “sex education” classes came from porn. My “mature” father thought it was a good idea to show me porn at 9 years old. It was just another night drunk for him, but it began to shape the kind of man I would become.

You might think showing porn to a boy is harmless, but it is not.

I totally degraded women from this point on. Girlfriends and hook-ups, mostly. It became an act of winning the “love” or sexual favour of someone — nothing else. Even when I thought I was in love, I still degraded women (if you are anything like me, you’ve fallen in love a lot of times).  

Porn is really bad education, especially when you are young and inexperienced.

The desire porn creates will always leave you unsatisfied. I wasn’t addicted to porn; rather I was in a way traumatised and conforming to my father’s unhealthy habits.

Add to that some more “fatherly” advice. Don’t ever trust women. “There are too many of them to just settle with one.” Years on years “playing the field” really frigged up my brain chemistry.

A sexually obsessed man is not essentially different from a person addicted to drugs or alcohol. Both have lost control over their faculties of reason and willpower.

Over to you…

Have you ever been truly faithful to your girlfriend(s)? Do you always desire something better, or something else when in a relationship?

Say an opportunity comes up to go out with the lads. You go, because there’s always the fear-of-missing-out on strip clubs, threesomes, or just empty casual sex. Nothing else seems to matter — you do it.

Staying in a relationship just because…

Easily influenced by the lights, the cars and the lifestyle footballers portrayed

I will tell you this. I lived like a footballer (just without the actual football).  

I’m not so sure if this was the case for you, but I have a history with sports, mainly football.

Those that don’t quite fulfil their dreams of playing at a professional level, for whatever reason, tend to end up in the fitness industry. It’s a natural exchange, but there’s also a natural problem.

Everything I thought football would do for me, everything I needed football to do for me, was no longer available. I had to find alternative outlets.

I was still trying to prove to the world that I was good enough — grieving without realising it. Add some immaturity to that mixed up world, and I found myself chasing all the wrong things in the wrong places, pushing harder and harder, no matter what.

I was convinced that in order to live the life I wanted, I would need money, and lots of it. Like f-you kind of money. But, the game of chasing money is endless. And it only results in one thing.

Greed.

The lust of money makes us slaves.

More importantly, it shines a light on our true weakness: our self-worth. Most men see the worth of their manhood in terms of money.

As some say, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”

Your turn again…

Honestly, how much of your time do you spend thinking about money?

Do you worry when you have it and when you don’t?

Do you even worship what money can do?

One last thing before we move on. This unhealthy mind of yours is only ever going to attract the same kind of woman, who is perhaps more defective than you. They are more defective than you because they are attracted to this lower version of the true you.

Afraid of connection, intimacy and love

Before I sign off, a couple of things I have said might be misleading (slightly), in that footballers, movie stars, celebrity personal trainers and millionaires have the fame, the money, and the sex, but what it means to them is so very different than what it means to us. We’re different animals.

It comes down to our greatest fears: connection, intimacy and love.

Here’s the kicker. I turned to the fitness industry because it gave me a level of control, approval and/or the security that I couldn’t get anywhere else.

I simply didn’t put enough thought or effort in other areas.

If you want a to read more about this now, I recommend that you go and read this post over at the Men’s Movement: “Why Are Men Afraid Of Healthy Women.”

Conclusion

At my absolute worst, I did everything in my power to manipulate my ex’s to leave me, left women pregnant, kept relationships at a distance, even nearly killed myself drunk driving, all because I was trying to escape.

At that time, I wasn’t so self-aware. If we were friends at that time, I would have told you that I simply needed a night out, to blow off some steam.

Trust me, you don’t want even half of this to happen to you. There is no way you’ll ever be able to focus on what you really want with this stress hanging around. All of this, and putting on this show, only made me weaker as a man.

It really is time for men to come forward and be men.  Our world must have them, women anxiously seek them, and children desperately need them.

The only thing women want men to be is men. And the only thing most men desire to be is men. 

Most men do not understand what it is to be a man. That’s what Fit Man is all about: a conscious platform, a brotherhood to help you get rid of what’s standing in your way to becoming the man you know you are, and to help you redefine your current beliefs, values and standards so that you can get there on your terms.

When you find love and romance and are truly open to them, a whole set of new emotions will be released capable of driving you to super achievements in all areas of your life.

Your Journey

So things are little trickier now that you’ve read this? There’s a way to make your journey easier, and it may even help you find that special someone even quicker. Let’s chat privately about this here.

 

 

The Real Reasons You Haven’t Found Love

They say love sets you free. If so, why do so many men get in their own way? Notoriously, we create “blocks” which limit our ability to have a deep, meaningful relationship.

We’re a weird bunch, us fitness fanatics. Or was it just me? The fitness world either attracts a certain kind of person, or it totally makes us this way.  

My clients often share intimate details of their broken life beyond the walls of the gym. Some tell me it’s their lack of control when it comes to sexual urges. For others, they lack a well-defined purpose in their career and life. Or, more unsettling, they’ve allowed bad influences during childhood to continue to define them. Across the board, there’s a poverty of ambition to chase what they feel they deserve.

I was the worst version of all of that. Thinking back now, I would never have dreamed this was me just a few years ago. I’ll spare you the story of me crawling out of the Platinum Lace Lap Dancing Club, with a girl on each arm, though with my then girlfriend at home naively waiting for me.

I share this to give hope to those who need it. If I can change, you certainly can. I  wasn’t just broken when it came to relationships. Everywhere, I was a piss-ant. Biblically bad. Rebellious. Idolatrous. Lost. Enslaved. Disobedient. Egotistic. Dishonest. Adulterous. And, in case I haven’t bench pressed this point enough,  ‘dead’ of love, intimacy and connection.

When I did something, I did it until it absolutely breaks me. I couldn’t just have wandering thoughts about hot girls. I had the urge to find one.

But don’t let the limelight fool you. That’s precisely where it starts. Yeah, the money comes, the fame comes but it escalates from there. You think you’re going up, but you’re actually going down.

If you can relate, even in the slightest from what I described above, or you’re putting a great deal of effort into the wrong relationship (always on the lookout, thinking there is better yet to come…), and you’re unsure of what to do, I’m here to tell you that the change starts with you.

It’s got nothing to do with your partner. Well, some of it might. If she is attracted to this weaker, lower version of who you are now, she certainly won’t be attracted to who you will become!

At the root of all this is identity. Do you know who you really are, at the core? Nothing happens by accident. Feel free to use any fumbles, insights, tips, half-baked experience, pseudo-wisdom, or pure honesty from my past to shine a light or hold up a mirror to your life. Self-awareness can come from anywhere, even from an old PT like me.

“Self Awareness” is one of those terms thrown around too much by the so-called personal development prophets out there. Like Tony, I’m no guru, but we both have the thousand yard stare from our share of life’s firewalks.

So what is self-awareness? Everybody has a different take. For what it’s worth, I have mine, which may be useful to you. To that possible end, I’ll include a few questions below which I’d be honoured if you found the time to answer in the comments section.

If you already know me and want to get to know me better, or it just feels like you are in the right place, you can jump right into the passenger seat, fasten your seatbelt, and supercharge your journey of self-discovery by requesting a 90-minute personal Discovery Coaching Call now.  

You can stick around and read on, of course. Hesitation in the face of a solution might keep you in the vast majority of people who continue to fail at relationships.

I have had the privilege of analyzing the fitness industry for 14 years, working closely with male personal trainers, male clients, wives and girlfriends of males who were classed as ‘failures’ in relationships (myself included).

My observations proved that there are more causes to failing relationships than the blocks which I sketched out earlier:

Some tell me it’s their lack of control when it comes to sexual urges. For others, they lack a well-defined purpose in their career and life. Or, more unsettling, they’ve allowed bad influences during childhood to continue to define them. Across the board, there’s a poverty of ambition to chase what they feel they deserve.

I found there’s at least 26 more!

For some, the major block is a lack in capital, then when uncertainty is added to that, such as the fear that you won’t be able to provide the very best for your partner, it gets messy. You tell yourself, “that’s the minimum she deserves!”

Then, there’s the block of regret because you’ve chosen the wrong partner but stay in due to shame or guilt. There’s also the issues of trust and control.

Try going through the first 5 blocks on the list below. Measure yourself against them. It will help you to discover how many of these causes of failure stand between you and real love, romance (and epic sex)!

You can indeed transform any block into a more powerful emotion capable of driving you to new levels of happiness and achievement.

  1. What was the general atmosphere in your home when you were a child (including parenting and relationship between your parents) and when / how did this change?
  2. Do you have any physical or emotional scars? What are your stories?
  3. Have you ever put much thought, energy and focus on deciding who you would like as a mate? If not, why? What’s important to you about the type of partner you want?
  4. Who would you not want as a mate? Get your checklist out.  List characteristics, style, attributes, mindset, purpose, values, interests, nationality, etc.
  5. In an ideal world, would you like to be living your ideal life right now? Is there anyone or anything that you feel powerless over? Who or what is running your life?

 

Prefer to chat in private rather than list your answers below? Contact us now.

If you liked this blog post, then you’ll love this…

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6 Ways I Developed Confidence and Turned My Life Around

Have you now (or ever) felt angry, frustrated, limited, discouraged, ashamed, disappointed or anxious? The feelings that drain confidence. If so, I can relate.

In my case, I experienced those feelings for one reason: because I was living a life of illusion. The bubble gum psychology phrase for this phenomenon is inauthenticity. But that word is too trendy and a bit weak for what I’m getting at here. More on that in a minute.

Most men would have a hard time admitting to this. They are either aware and they don’t care or they are, in fact, aware, but their “masculinity” is getting in the way of their willingness to do anything about it.

Impossible to drain the swamp if you keep convincing yourself it’s Venice Beach.

Fast forward. Thankfully, on the other side of it now. Sure, those dark feelings swamp up from time to time. Maybe even at the same rate. But the difference now is that I stand differently. Because I stand differently, I am not controlled or limited by those feelings.

I stand as a Fit Man. It’s a stance. Where fitness is in the body and the mind. Hard muscle doesn’t mean emotional hardness.

A Fit Man can instantly muster up more positive feelings. Yes, positive feelings. Cosmo and Deepak don’t have patents on those. Words like proactive, empowered and committed. How about compassion and self-love?

If you are not sure where you stand, see how these questions sit.

Has life handed you some unexpected challenges and you’re not completely sure how you’ll ever recover?

Despite being a fairly fit, are you becoming less and less motivated to train and keep yourself in shape?

Do you feel that you’re stuck in a career, with less than ideal pay and no “me” time?

Has anything terrible (or traumatic) happened in your life that’s made you pessimistic about designing the life and relationships you really want?

Have you settled for ‘survival’ mode and been there for so long that you don’t even think about the dreams and aspirations you had as a younger man?

Such dreams may now seem like a fairytale. But hear this. That “fairytale” is more real than the illusion you may have created inside your own body.

Dreams change. Why? Life happened. It isn’t what we hoped to experience when we were younger. We somehow settled for a career far beneath our expectations. We suffered financial setbacks. Heck, maybe throw in a bad upbringing, stir in a touch of bullying, an absent father figure, and a few bad relationships and it’s enough to break the wild horse.

It’s not necessarily what happens in your life that makes it good or bad—it’s how effectively you deal with what happens to you. You’ll never get rid of your challenges.

When you become a Fit Man, you’ll lessen the effect that those challenges have on the quality of your life.

What do you do when life isn’t turning out the way you wanted? Do you start settling to avoid more anticipated pain? Or do you create a new plan and move forward with certainty and confidence?

If you’ll indulge me. This process began for me when I was on another night out on the town with… myself. Yes, myself. The “friends” who I thought I was meant to be out with, didn’t end up going out.

After the taste of one pint, there was no stopping me. Typical. I spiralled out of control, drank up the whole bar, and became bulletproof. I was the man. Sporting about, flashing cash, slinging drinks for nameless girls, touring the strip clubs, all while my girlfriend was at home.

The most bizarre thing was I thought this was normal. I convinced myself that this how successful, confident men behave. No need to worry about finding friends once my actual friends went home because everyone knew me for who I was: the local celebrity personal trainer.

I drove home drunk. Killed my £35,000 car. Nearly killed me. And felt like death the next day. Enough was enough.

I had to reassess my life. I remember sitting in the living room of the rented house I lived in with my ex-girlfriend. She was upstairs, innocent. I was downstairs, broken. I needed to get honest with myself.

I began by facing the facts. Or better yet, letting the facts face me. A Fit Man sees facts as they are, for what they are. No bullshit. No illusion. Accepting full responsibility for where you are in life and admitting that you may need a hand.

To figure out who you really are, what’s been holding you back and then identifying what it is that you’ll need to do in order to design the life you’ve always dreamed of. If your dream is to live the life I described earlier, with the booze, flashy cash and strippers, you’re in the wrong place and reading the wrong blog. Go press that weight somewhere else.

But, if you want to get real, and to have more confidence in the direction you have chosen, even when times are challenging, welcome home brother.

I’m one of those people who believe that the best things in life can be drawn to you like a magnet. This is not woo-woo “the secret” stuff. Just what can happen in a man’s life when you drop the illusions, lose the BS, and carry yourself with more confidence.

Here are 6 ways I developed real confidence:

1. Self-confidence starts with awareness. You can’t make better decisions until you understand why you’re making your current ones. Then, come up with a better set of strategies and habits to create the life you want. It’s a fairy tale to keep doing things you’ve always done and expected a better outcome. Dreams are where action and discipline meet.

2. Let go of any feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety and stress as well as many other problems (even physical pain). If we don’t learn to let go of unwanted emotions, we’ll just do our best and try to escape them through other means. Napping when you don’t need to. Using prescriptive and illegal drugs. Over-exercising. Safe and not-so-safe sex. Cheating. Strippers. Playing slalom with your car and street posts. And a whole host of other activities designed to take our attention off what is real: our emotional pain and hangups.

3. Invest in a coach to help you identify exactly what you want in life (relationships, money, freedom). It’s hard to think big and ambitious when you’re lacking confidence and things have gone south. It’s cliché, but true: No matter what has happened in the past, you gotta force yourself to keep going. And to get what you really want in life, you have to really keep going.

A coach will help you set clear goals and help you adopt winning strategies to achieve them. It’d be a waste if you were motivated, were moving, but didn’t have the map. A coach will take you off that treadmill, and will lovingly force you to control your thoughts, your emotions, and take consistent action.

4. Body language, appearance and communication. Your body language can instantly demonstrate self-assurance. Walk as if you already have control of your life.

People in control are more influential. Dress the part. Look better, feel better. Choose clothing and accessories that fit you well, that suit you, your lifestyle, and make you look great. Speak assertively (but not like an ass).

Finally, listen. Listening is an essential tool to build stronger relationships. I can’t tell you a number of times I left a business meeting, had a conversation with the girlfriend, or sat at dinner with friends, and left a good impression just because I’ve listened and genuinely found a way to be interested. The results can be astonishing

5. Mental ‘Strength’ Conditioning. As I was going through my transformation, I had to battle with my tolerance level for uncertainty, fear, pressure and discomfort.

Even now, I have to have daily outlines to condition my mental strength for such things. During the intense years where I worked on myself, I decided to try the London Marathon. I knew this would challenge me on a completely different level to what I had become used to.

Yet, the benefit of setting yourself challenges like this always bleeds across to the other areas of your life.

You learn to tolerate all kinds of discomfort which only helps you to move forward even more in life. What seemed like insanity before is now the norm. I’ve completed numerous 5K and 10K runs and half marathons. Next is the Bali Triathlon. Because why not. And who knows what will be next after that. And after that.

6. Set high standards for yourself. Coaches help, but it’s critical to set high standards you arrive at yourself. Such responsibility forces personal growth. You end up ruthlessly striving to live up to your own expectations.

You make quicker gains. I’ve found that when I’m under pressure (from myself) to act or live up to a certain standard, it’s much easier to accomplish goals – even the bold ones.

How do confidence and goals go hand in hand? Well, you must reconsider, change or adjust your current rules, values and beliefs. This requires self-awareness, then setting high standards, and then respecting yourself enough to never fall below your new plateau.

So, this is where the work is required. When we are still holding on to old beliefs, old patterns, old rules, old standards and old values, hoping that confidence and new life will magically appear. This was a big blind spot for me. It doesn’t have to be for you.

If you could set one higher standard in your life right now, what would it be? Let us know in the comment section.

Stone cold ambitious? Have a personal discovery call with Joe. Just like other men have, get farther in 90 minutes than what’s possible in a year on your own.